I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
