Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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