My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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