Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
