Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
