when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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