a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
