dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
