in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
