Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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