Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
