pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
