it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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