if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
