There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
