Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
