in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
