Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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