Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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