Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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