Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
