you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
