We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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