Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
