girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
