Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
