he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
birth control should be required to get into college
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
