How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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