This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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