shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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