I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize