How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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