What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
