I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
