awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
