i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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