Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
