The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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