I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
