You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
