I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
