I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
