Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize