considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
