this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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