Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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