If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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