dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
