is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
