I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
